Videos and posts regarding holiday dinner conversations have proliferated on social media throughout the holiday season. Whether it’s a teenager jokingly asking, “Could you pass the ICE?”, in the hopes of instigating a debate about immigration, or another relative obliviously speaking offensively about his or her opinion on an issue, the current political climate plays an outsized role in the conversation at the table.
This dynamic is not unique to the dinner table. Holiday gatherings reveal something bigger about how divided the country feels, sinceas our relatives hail from all walks of life and geographical regions, as well as generations. Importantly, it is not disagreements that are new,; it’s how personal and intense they have become. In our culture, political identity has become a part of social identity, making even casual comments appear loaded.
These conflicts feel bigger and more frequent now for several reasons. Forces like social media, increasingly biased news sources, and algorithm-driven outrage are strong actors in driving a wedge between people. One uncle insists crime is “out of control everywhere,” while a cousin cites falling national crime statistics. Both are sincere, and right in their feeds. The media prioritizes posts that spark emotion, so one person may only see footage of shoplifting and carjackings, while the other sees contradictory charts and debunkings.
If the nation is tense, it is no surprise that the dinner table is too. But even when the conversation gets heated, it’s worth remembering that these “opponents” are the same people who baked us birthday cakes or taught us how to ride a bike.
Navigating these conversations when they arise can be difficult, so here are some playful yet practical strategies for surviving the discussion.
First, ask questions instead of arguing; it can be surprisingly disarming and shows a willingness to listen and understand. Second, name the moment; just recognizing what is going on and shifting the focus of the conversation away from the argument can be very effective. Lastly, it is never a bad idea to try to find common ground, whether that be through shared hometown news, mutual frustration with local traffic or taxes, or admiration for your mother’s holiday cooking.
The holiday dinner table will noton’t solve the nation’s problems with division, but it can remind us of something politics often forgets: people are more than their opinions. If we practice patience with our relatives, we might be able to carry a bit of that grace into the civic arena. And if all else fails, volunteer to do the dishes.
