We often feel the need to present our best selves to others, to be kind and patient, showing a side of us we wish to be known. However, in the comfort of those who know us most intimately, we sometimes let down our guard. We roll our eyes. We sigh too loudly. We scoff and remark ‘I didn’t mean it.’ It is strange how the people who love us most often bear the sharpest edges of our frustrations.

 We hold the door for someone at school, but let it slam in front of our parents. We say “thank you” to the barista but forget to acknowledge the people who cooked a thousand meals for us. We assume they’ll understand. We assume they’ll forgive. However, what we do not consider is that while they may forgive, they may not forget. 

This emotional disconnection between teenagers and their parents is a common issue. While it is often dismissed as a normal phase of growing up, the long-term consequences of neglecting these relationships can be profound as parent-child relationships significantly impact emotional development. According to the American Psychological Association, children who maintain positive relationships with their parents exhibit higher emotional intelligence, better stress management, and increased empathy. Research from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child also suggests that strong parental bonds in adolescence correlate with reduced risks of depression and anxiety in adulthood.

So why do we treat the people who love us the most with the least kindness? What can we do to bridge the emotional gap? 

Some may argue that it is normal for teenagers to be distant from their parents, that it is a phase of adolescence. While there is some truth in this, it does not justify normalizing distant relationships. Our parents are not invincible; they, too, carry the weight of their own struggles. They may not always show it, but they, too, need kindness. 

One common suggestion is to simply “give teenagers space” and let them grow out of this phase. While developing independence is an important skill, completely stepping back can widen the emotional gap. Without consistent efforts to maintain connection, teenagers may further drift away, and parents may feel increasingly lonely.

The solution lies in small, consistent acts of kindness and gratitude. Checking in with them—asking about their day, offering a genuine thank-you—can bridge the emotional gap we so often create. Research from the APA’s Specialty Petition for Couple and Family Psychology highlights the lasting influence of these parent-child relationships, demonstrating that family dynamics shape an individual’s interpersonal skills and long-term emotional well-being. 

Some day, we’ll look back and wish we had been kinder. Because when they are gone, we will not remember the small annoyance that made us snap. We will remember the love they had given us, the fondest memories, and we’ll hope they remembered the love we gave back. 

So before you sigh or roll your eyes, pause. Look at them. Listen. Really listen to them. Speak to them the way you’ll wish you had—as if it is the last time, because someday, it will be.